In my last post, I wrote about a program I recently learned about which is called Brain Balance. The director of the center we went to gave me a book called, Disconnected Kids. It is written by Dr. Robert Melillo, who according to the summary in his book, "is a world-renowned chiropractic neurologist, professor, and researcher in child neurological disorders. Since 1994, his program has helped thousands of children with autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, dyslexia, Tourette syndrome, and other disorders."
I'll be honest- so far I have only gotten through the first chapter. I have scanned the whole book and read bits and pieces, but word for word and trying to grasp everything I am still on page 23. The first chapter talks a lot about how autism, ADHD, dyslexia, OCD, Tourette's, and other disorders can actually all be clumped together under one term: Functional Disconnection Syndrome. So basically, all of those disorders have one common trend, which is a disconnect in the brain. It is thought that these disorders never really go away, but that they can be managed with prescriptions. With Brain Balance, and thanks to our brains' neuroplasticity, change and healing CAN happen. Results you can expect are:
*Increased academic performance, even superior grades.
*Decreased negative behavior.
*Elimination of aberrant and/or extreme behavior.
*Marked improvement in communication and social skills.
Disconnected kids are different because they are disconnected from their bodies and senses, and they are socially and emotionally disconnected. The disconnection comes from a decrease in electrical activity in areas of either the left or right hemisphere of the brain, a higher-than-normal level of activity of areas in the higher-functioning hemisphere, or a combination of decreased activity of areas in the weak hemisphere and increased activity of areas in the higher-functioning side. Balancing out the brain can help disconnected kids become connected kids, and it is extremely fascinating.
I am no pro, yet, but I am learning a lot and will continue to learn a lot as we take our son through this program. I will continue to post about Brain Balance and our journey. For more information check out the book Disconnected Kids or the website http://www.brainbalancecenters.com
August 16, 2016
Brain Balance
A dear friend was recently inspired to tell me about a program she had heard and read about. It is called Brain Balance. I kind of forgot about it but one day decided to pull it up and look into it. There happened to be a center about 20 minutes away and so I left a message with them for more info. I received a call back that day and they were able to explain more about what they do there. I was intrigued. They offered a 4 hour evaluation for G, which intrigued me even more. In the past, evaluations have just taken minutes, which I felt was never enough to truly understand my son's situation. So we scheduled the evaluation on a day when my lovely friend and babysitter comes over to watch my kids. G's appointment was at 10:30. We arrived and they took him back as I filled out papers and questionnaires for about an hour. At about 12:30 G came out for a lunch break. We walked next door to Jimmy John's and talked about what he was doing. He said, "Mom, I like my other therapy place better. They don't make me work so hard." I couldn't help but be impressed. I loved hearing that they were pushing him and exercising him in a way that few people do. A lot of times he gets babied or allowed to get away with minimal effort. After lunch we walked back and he was in the back for two more hours. Sometime while he was in the back I was able to talk with the center director and it was amazing to hear about her son's story, who was once diagnosed with autism and ADHD, but no longer has those diagnoses. Then while waiting in the foyer, an experienced mom came up and introduced herself. She talked about her son's struggles before coming to Brain Balance. I appreciated her insight and kindness. Another mom came, trying to drag her son inside. He was fighting her and I could see her frustration. I tried to help distract him and help. The therapists came in the room and did a phenomenal job getting him to follow them. As soon as he walked back the mom broke down. I saw her wipe tears from her eyes and I tried to comfort her. I get it. I've been there. It just felt crazy and good to be in a place where we all got it. When G was done I took him out for a treat and we chatted more about the place. I felt good about it. But I knew I had to get my husband on board.
A few days later, Solomon and I went back to the center to receive the results from G's evaluation. It was very interesting! G's right side of his brain is very weak and they were able to show me a lot of in depth stuff about why he acts certain ways. G made more sense to me and I was just so impressed with all the information they were able to give us. We sat with the director for almost two hours. I was on board, but I could feel the tension in the room rise with my husband as she informed us he is a severe case and that would mean they would only take him for a minimum of six months, which costs $13,000. And insurance does not cover any of it. After we left, my husband was very quiet, and I could tell he was irritated. We got chatting about all the pros and cons and the frustration of having to spend that much money to help a child who we have already poured out so much time and resources to help. We came to the conclusion that this is the right thing for our boy, but we are just trying to swallow the fact that it will be expensive. It will also be time consuming. He will have therapy 3 times a week with 20 minute exercises he needs to do each day. He will also be on a strict diet, eliminating gluten, dairy, and sugar. Also, we were told to expect a lot of regression during the therapy. His brain will be going through a lot which will amplify his worst behaviors or have him revert back into a baby.
So... we could use your thoughts and prayers as we start this journey! I am nervous but excited!
A few days later, Solomon and I went back to the center to receive the results from G's evaluation. It was very interesting! G's right side of his brain is very weak and they were able to show me a lot of in depth stuff about why he acts certain ways. G made more sense to me and I was just so impressed with all the information they were able to give us. We sat with the director for almost two hours. I was on board, but I could feel the tension in the room rise with my husband as she informed us he is a severe case and that would mean they would only take him for a minimum of six months, which costs $13,000. And insurance does not cover any of it. After we left, my husband was very quiet, and I could tell he was irritated. We got chatting about all the pros and cons and the frustration of having to spend that much money to help a child who we have already poured out so much time and resources to help. We came to the conclusion that this is the right thing for our boy, but we are just trying to swallow the fact that it will be expensive. It will also be time consuming. He will have therapy 3 times a week with 20 minute exercises he needs to do each day. He will also be on a strict diet, eliminating gluten, dairy, and sugar. Also, we were told to expect a lot of regression during the therapy. His brain will be going through a lot which will amplify his worst behaviors or have him revert back into a baby.
So... we could use your thoughts and prayers as we start this journey! I am nervous but excited!
June 30, 2016
Update
I haven't "blogged" for quite a while now. Life gets too chaotic sometimes and writing about it is the last thing on my mind. However, I keep having the feeling come to me that I need to share my experiences and insight more often. Our caseworker even suggested that I write about what is going on. So, I shall attempt to catch everyone up on our life.
Since my last main post a lot has changed and a lot has not. Solomon and I added another son to our family through birth last July, and when he was about 6 months old we had a nagging feeling that someone in our family was missing. Despite our hesitations, we decided to trust the Lord and we are expecting another son in September. This will be our 4th son in 4 years. We cried and begged for one, and now our hearts and hands are more full than I ever imagined.
Our oldest son continues to struggle due to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, and sensory processing issues. Some days he can cope, and other days he is constantly falling apart. Some days he knows his ABC's and how to read and write, and the next he gets so frustrated because he can't even remember what letter his name starts with (something he has known for 3 years). Some days he can't remember how to use the bathroom and has multiple accidents. Some days his brain won't shut down and he talks incessantly all day, never stopping. Some days he chews on everything in sight, ruining clothes, toys, and furniture. Some days he yells and screams at me telling me he hates me and wants to kill me. Some days he is obsessed with guns and bad guys, and talks about the morbid things the bad guys are going to do to our family. Some days he steals things, like his grandpa's credit card or food from the cupboard (and then hides the remains under his bed) despite the many snacks and meals we provide him. Some days he gets taken advantage of by peers at school. One boy told him that if he gave him all his money he would "give him a cell phone". Three years worth of savings was sneakily taken to school to give to a boy. I informed the teacher and we were able to get some of the money back. We may have gotten it all back from that boy, but if so, where did the rest go? What has he been using his money for? Some days he gets bullied. Kids throwing his stuff out the bus window, pushing him in the mud, threatening to hurt him. And some days he is the bully. Biting kids at recess, punching his 2 year old brother in the mouth busting 3 teeth, trying to shove his baby brother down the stairs, kicking and punching his mom. One day it took 3 hours for me to get him to school. Once I got there and they asked why he was late I said, "He didn't want to come." They looked at me as if that was the dumbest reason ever and told me that is not really an excuse. I broke down bawling and showed them my arms covered in bruises, bite marks, and scratches. I said, "I can't do this anymore!" The poor office ladies immediately apologized and brought me tissues and tried to comfort me. One disappeared for a moment and came back asking me to follow her. I sat in the principal's office at 29 years old crying. I told him what was going on and he was shocked. "Gideon is always such a happy kid and does so well once he is here." I informed him that his issues are at home because of past trauma. He is struggling to form healthy attachments to the people he needs to. He is superficially charming and will hold it together all day to appear cool and normal to everyone else, and as soon as he gets home- all hell breaks loose. And on the days he doesn't want to try and hold it together, I am forced to deal with it as I try to get him out the door to school or appointments. Last year to keep my sanity and to protect my other boys from him, I was able to get him into an after school program. He was typically gone from 7:30am to 5:30pm. I dreaded mornings and evenings. I hated them. It came as quite the shock when I received a prompting from the Lord to homeschool "G" this upcoming school year. I tossed it aside and thought there was absolutely no way. I couldn't ignore the feeling though and looked into it more. I came across this article and video by Jenny Phillips and it brought peace to my heart and I knew I had to follow through. I ordered some books to do a "trial run" over the summer. Each day we have been sitting together and working on reading, writing, math, etc. Some days I feel like I am about to explode with frustration and absolutely don't want to do this, but other days I feel a closer bond to him. I am amazed to see his behavior change and his anxiety lessen. I can now help monitor his mood swings all day long and immediately resolve issues, instead of waiting until the end of the day. I personally felt like his speech and reading was improving, but it wasn't until his speech therapist told me last week that she had re-evaluated him and his scores had drastically gone up within two months that I realized he actually is getting better. She informed me that his scores were now average and that he no longer qualified for speech therapy! It was a confirmation that we were on the right track and that homeschool, as hard as it will be sometimes, is what "G" needs. It has been a miracle to see the difference in our lives from following a prompting I wanted to ignore. I am so grateful for God's unending love and guidance.
Our 2 year old "D" is definitely in the terrible twos. He is pretty awesome too though. He is the oldest brother mentally in many ways and is very helpful and empathetic. He has a toy doggy he carries every where and is constantly looking for adventure. As soon as he wakes up he wants his shoes on so we can leave at any moment if we need, to get to the park, library, or store. He had a rough start with speaking, which we now know was due to his ears. He had constant ear infections and fluid behind the ear drums. He had tubes placed in his ears in February and ever since, his speech has improved dramatically. He just couldn't hear much before! He loves learning new words and trying to have big conversations. As I mentioned earlier, "G" punched "D" in the mouth. One day when "G" got home from school he was in a terrible mood and took it out on his brother. Poor "D" was spitting chunks of teeth into my hands while he cried. It honestly took all I had to not to punch "G" back in the mouth. Two of the teeth were damaged too badly to save. I had to take him to a pedodontist to get his teeth pulled. It was traumatic for both of us. I cried all day about the situation.
"Z", our 1 year old is a mellow boy. He loves to observe and think. He is now also in the stage where he loves to do what the others are doing. He enjoys exploring and making messes with "D". He started walking 2 or 3 weeks ago and is getting really good. I love watching him try to do everything his brothers do. He can jump on the mini trampoline, climb up and go down the mini slide, and climbs up on the couch to see if dad is walking home from school. His favorite words to say are Mom, Dad, tickle, dog, and no.
My wonderful husband is in his last year of dental school. I am beyond proud of him. He manages to handle school, military, a church calling, and home life with ease. I get jealous a lot that I have to share him with school and church so much, but I am blessed to have a man that loves serving and giving. I love that he wants to develop his talents and make a difference in the world each day. He is a great example to me and I adore him. I couldn't imagine a better teammate to go through this life with.
Me? I have been surviving. It is hard to be pregnant and raise 3 crazy boys. I try to be easy on myself and tell myself its ok that we have been living off of PB&J, bagels, cereal, and mac n cheese. It's ok that sometimes I strap my kids down in high chairs in front of the TV so they don't tear the house apart while I use the bathroom or take a shower. It's ok that we don't go any where because it is too exhausting for me. It's ok to ask for help sometimes. I have some dear friends that come over every Sunday to help me get my boys ready for church (since my husband leaves early for meetings). It has been a life saver. I still don't get much out of church, even with the help of many others, but I always go because I know it is where we are supposed to be, despite all the people that glare at me or tell me to just stay home because my kids are too rowdy. I have a counselor I go to occasionally to help me with the secondary PTSD I have been suffering from due to "G's" behavior. It's nice to feel validated and be given advice from someone who understands my situation completely. I am healing and learning how to become stronger.
Since my last main post a lot has changed and a lot has not. Solomon and I added another son to our family through birth last July, and when he was about 6 months old we had a nagging feeling that someone in our family was missing. Despite our hesitations, we decided to trust the Lord and we are expecting another son in September. This will be our 4th son in 4 years. We cried and begged for one, and now our hearts and hands are more full than I ever imagined.
Our oldest son continues to struggle due to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, and sensory processing issues. Some days he can cope, and other days he is constantly falling apart. Some days he knows his ABC's and how to read and write, and the next he gets so frustrated because he can't even remember what letter his name starts with (something he has known for 3 years). Some days he can't remember how to use the bathroom and has multiple accidents. Some days his brain won't shut down and he talks incessantly all day, never stopping. Some days he chews on everything in sight, ruining clothes, toys, and furniture. Some days he yells and screams at me telling me he hates me and wants to kill me. Some days he is obsessed with guns and bad guys, and talks about the morbid things the bad guys are going to do to our family. Some days he steals things, like his grandpa's credit card or food from the cupboard (and then hides the remains under his bed) despite the many snacks and meals we provide him. Some days he gets taken advantage of by peers at school. One boy told him that if he gave him all his money he would "give him a cell phone". Three years worth of savings was sneakily taken to school to give to a boy. I informed the teacher and we were able to get some of the money back. We may have gotten it all back from that boy, but if so, where did the rest go? What has he been using his money for? Some days he gets bullied. Kids throwing his stuff out the bus window, pushing him in the mud, threatening to hurt him. And some days he is the bully. Biting kids at recess, punching his 2 year old brother in the mouth busting 3 teeth, trying to shove his baby brother down the stairs, kicking and punching his mom. One day it took 3 hours for me to get him to school. Once I got there and they asked why he was late I said, "He didn't want to come." They looked at me as if that was the dumbest reason ever and told me that is not really an excuse. I broke down bawling and showed them my arms covered in bruises, bite marks, and scratches. I said, "I can't do this anymore!" The poor office ladies immediately apologized and brought me tissues and tried to comfort me. One disappeared for a moment and came back asking me to follow her. I sat in the principal's office at 29 years old crying. I told him what was going on and he was shocked. "Gideon is always such a happy kid and does so well once he is here." I informed him that his issues are at home because of past trauma. He is struggling to form healthy attachments to the people he needs to. He is superficially charming and will hold it together all day to appear cool and normal to everyone else, and as soon as he gets home- all hell breaks loose. And on the days he doesn't want to try and hold it together, I am forced to deal with it as I try to get him out the door to school or appointments. Last year to keep my sanity and to protect my other boys from him, I was able to get him into an after school program. He was typically gone from 7:30am to 5:30pm. I dreaded mornings and evenings. I hated them. It came as quite the shock when I received a prompting from the Lord to homeschool "G" this upcoming school year. I tossed it aside and thought there was absolutely no way. I couldn't ignore the feeling though and looked into it more. I came across this article and video by Jenny Phillips and it brought peace to my heart and I knew I had to follow through. I ordered some books to do a "trial run" over the summer. Each day we have been sitting together and working on reading, writing, math, etc. Some days I feel like I am about to explode with frustration and absolutely don't want to do this, but other days I feel a closer bond to him. I am amazed to see his behavior change and his anxiety lessen. I can now help monitor his mood swings all day long and immediately resolve issues, instead of waiting until the end of the day. I personally felt like his speech and reading was improving, but it wasn't until his speech therapist told me last week that she had re-evaluated him and his scores had drastically gone up within two months that I realized he actually is getting better. She informed me that his scores were now average and that he no longer qualified for speech therapy! It was a confirmation that we were on the right track and that homeschool, as hard as it will be sometimes, is what "G" needs. It has been a miracle to see the difference in our lives from following a prompting I wanted to ignore. I am so grateful for God's unending love and guidance.
Our 2 year old "D" is definitely in the terrible twos. He is pretty awesome too though. He is the oldest brother mentally in many ways and is very helpful and empathetic. He has a toy doggy he carries every where and is constantly looking for adventure. As soon as he wakes up he wants his shoes on so we can leave at any moment if we need, to get to the park, library, or store. He had a rough start with speaking, which we now know was due to his ears. He had constant ear infections and fluid behind the ear drums. He had tubes placed in his ears in February and ever since, his speech has improved dramatically. He just couldn't hear much before! He loves learning new words and trying to have big conversations. As I mentioned earlier, "G" punched "D" in the mouth. One day when "G" got home from school he was in a terrible mood and took it out on his brother. Poor "D" was spitting chunks of teeth into my hands while he cried. It honestly took all I had to not to punch "G" back in the mouth. Two of the teeth were damaged too badly to save. I had to take him to a pedodontist to get his teeth pulled. It was traumatic for both of us. I cried all day about the situation.
"Z", our 1 year old is a mellow boy. He loves to observe and think. He is now also in the stage where he loves to do what the others are doing. He enjoys exploring and making messes with "D". He started walking 2 or 3 weeks ago and is getting really good. I love watching him try to do everything his brothers do. He can jump on the mini trampoline, climb up and go down the mini slide, and climbs up on the couch to see if dad is walking home from school. His favorite words to say are Mom, Dad, tickle, dog, and no.
My wonderful husband is in his last year of dental school. I am beyond proud of him. He manages to handle school, military, a church calling, and home life with ease. I get jealous a lot that I have to share him with school and church so much, but I am blessed to have a man that loves serving and giving. I love that he wants to develop his talents and make a difference in the world each day. He is a great example to me and I adore him. I couldn't imagine a better teammate to go through this life with.
Me? I have been surviving. It is hard to be pregnant and raise 3 crazy boys. I try to be easy on myself and tell myself its ok that we have been living off of PB&J, bagels, cereal, and mac n cheese. It's ok that sometimes I strap my kids down in high chairs in front of the TV so they don't tear the house apart while I use the bathroom or take a shower. It's ok that we don't go any where because it is too exhausting for me. It's ok to ask for help sometimes. I have some dear friends that come over every Sunday to help me get my boys ready for church (since my husband leaves early for meetings). It has been a life saver. I still don't get much out of church, even with the help of many others, but I always go because I know it is where we are supposed to be, despite all the people that glare at me or tell me to just stay home because my kids are too rowdy. I have a counselor I go to occasionally to help me with the secondary PTSD I have been suffering from due to "G's" behavior. It's nice to feel validated and be given advice from someone who understands my situation completely. I am healing and learning how to become stronger.
January 14, 2015
Growing Up With Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders
I found this site and just sobbed as I watched the commercial for the video "Moment 2 Moment: Growing Up With Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders". I saw my son and me in the lives of these families. I ordered this video and I am so excited to watch it and share it with family and friends!
EDIT: This is a great movie! I have now watched it multiple times. Very informative and helpful in explaining FASD.
EDIT: This is a great movie! I have now watched it multiple times. Very informative and helpful in explaining FASD.
Fetal Alcohol Exposure Often Mistaken as Behavioral Issues
This is a great article that summarizes the behavioral issues children with FASD have and how a lot of times they are misdiagnosed or overlooked. Understanding more about FASD has helped me understand my son more and see his behavior as brain damage as opposed to simply being difficult to work with.
The stress of raising a child with special needs
In one of my parent support groups someone shared this link and I found it helpful. It helped me realize how stressed I am and what I can do to alleviate some of that stress. Raising children is hard. Raising children with special needs is exhausting. I am sharing this in hopes that it can help someone AND so I can refer back to it when I need to.
Coping With Stress When Your Child Has a Chronic Illness or Disability by Fawne Hansen
Coping With Stress When Your Child Has a Chronic Illness or Disability by Fawne Hansen
January 9, 2015
My Story
I have had so many women reaching out to me lately as they go through miscarriages or want to learn more about adoption. So many times I have shared my story but so many times I felt misunderstood or that I was sharing too much. As these amazing women have been coming to me I have been humbled and I again felt the need to share my story again. I think we are all in a sense looking for others who "get" us. I have been in situations where I just wish someone knew how I felt. Advice or hope given from anyone that didn't understand just never satisfied me. I think that is why my love for the Savior has grown so much. He has felt my every pain and inconvenience and knows how to succor me.
Back in 2010 I married my best friend. I absolutely felt like no one else in the world knew what true love was because I was just so in love. Nothing bothered me at all. I was invincible and life was wonderful. That was, until I had a miscarriage a few months after getting married. Life stopped abruptly and all of a sudden it didn't make any sense. My husband and I had a "feeling" that there was a baby waiting for us, but then life said otherwise. I was in pain and for the first time my husband and I didn't see eye to eye. Looking back we can both laugh, but at the time, his advice was for me to suck it up, go to the gym, and move on. I had never been so insulted in all my life. Well, we somehow moved on, but yet again, I had another miscarriage. And then another. Three miscarriages in a short time period really threw my body out of whack. Emotionally I was a wreck. It got to the point where I didn't want to be alive. That scared me so I decided to get help. I found a counselor that had similar beliefs to me and was I given great advice. I sought medical help as well. Luckily I found an amazing doctor that was able to run tests on Solomon and I, to find the cause. Come to find out I have a genetic disorder. I was blessed to find an answer, since I know so many women go without any type of answers for their infertility or losses. I continued to have miscarriages and it was so discouraging. I felt very alone and bitter.
During this whole time I was having dreams and visions of a blue eyed boy named Gideon. We always assumed I would give birth to him, but over time my dreams changed to us adopting him and we started looking into adoption. In May 2012, on the way home from work as I was crying from my 6th miscarriage, I heard a radio commercial about AdoptUSKids.org, a site full of information on adoption, along with a photolisting of children waiting for families. I said out loud, "Heavenly Father, if there is a two year old boy with blue eyes named Gideon on that site, we will adopt him." So when I got home a few minutes later, I hesitantly pulled up the site and scrolled through the boys age 2. My jaw dropped and I felt completely numb as I scrolled to a boy that matched my dreams exactly. I took a deep breath and tried to take in everything. At the time we were in Hawai'i and he was in Texas. I wasn't quite sure how that was going to work out. My husband got home from work around midnight that night and when he crawled into bed I whispered, "I found Gideon. He is in Texas though, I don't know how this is all going to work out." Solomon chuckled and said he had actually just received an email that we were probably getting transferred to Texas. LONG story short, we did in fact end up getting transferred to Texas in December and then Gideon was placed with us in March. We were only in Texas for about 7 months and then moved to Illinois for my husband to go to dental school. Because we moved so much during the adoption process, we had to become licensed in each state which requires a lot of paper work, home studies, background checks, classes, etc. It was so exhausting at times. But finally in July of 2014 we finalized his adoption!
Shortly after moving to Illinois I found out I was pregnant and the whole pregnancy I was terrified that I would lose the baby at any second. I didn't take one minute for granted. I hated that I was pregnant while many friends were still left childless, so I didn't talk about my pregnancy much and constantly felt guilty about my growing belly. But every day I woke up and thanked God for the miracle and just hoped that in the end I would be able to hold my baby. Not knowing what the future held for me with future pregnancies, I wanted to make this birth as beautiful and memorable as possible. I took Bradley Method classes and found a wonderful Doula. I also found an amazing chiropractor that uses the Webster Technique. Dameon's birth was perfect. I did it all natural and was so proud of myself. I bawled as they wheeled me out of the hospital with a baby in my arms. I always hoped for that moment but never knew if it would happen for me. It did, and it was beautiful. I hope every woman can experience that. I think I shed tears daily for a few weeks because I could not believe the miracle that had just taken place. Dameon has been such a perfect baby. I am in heaven when he is in my arms. He has always been in the 95th percentile for everything since he was born. He is a big boy that adores his big brother and wants to keep up.
In September 2014 we got a call to be an emergency placement for a 17 month boy who was being taken from his mother that day. We said yes and a few hours later we had another boy in our home. He was so sweet. I loved that he trusted me quickly and got along great with our boys. I never felt like he belonged to us, but I LOVED being a safe place for him temporarily. He was with us from a Thursday night to the next Tuesday. He was only with us for a few days, but he changed my life. The caseworker called me Monday to inform me the state got custody of him and that they found a more permanent home for him. That night I rocked and hugged him as I sobbed, wondering if he had ever been held that way, and hoping this wouldn't be the last time someone held him so lovingly. By this time he had already starting calling me "Mom" and it broke my heart to see him go. A sad thing about foster children is that sometimes they don't have much that belongs to them and when they are transferred all their stuff is thrown into a garbage bag. I refused to send him on to his next home like that, so I got a nice back pack and wrote his name in permanent marker on it and put his stuff inside. I carried him out to the case worker's car when she showed up and buckled him in. I walked away crying as I prayed the next home would love him as much as I did. I learned that I love being a foster mom and I also learned that we were not quite ready for 3 children. Much to my surprise, the next month I found out I was pregnant again. We weren't expecting another baby this quick, but it is obviously a HUGE blessing. With Gideon's needs due to FASD, RAD, SPD, and ADHD I was worried because I have been stressed with trying to help him, as well as take care of the needs of Dameon as he grows. Our current vehicle does not fit 3 carseats, so now a bigger car is a necessity. Lots has been on my mind, but the biggest thing on my mind is God's timing. Years ago I never thought I would be given more children than I thought I could handle. I cried and prayed for one, and here I am with almost three! I just had to be patient! I remind my 5 year old almost daily, "we need to wait just a little longer", "be patient", "not yet". And it is a good reminder that God loves each of us and has a plan. It isn't fun to hear "not yet", BUT I have come to see for myself that the waiting is worth it. I hope my cousin doesn't mind, but she was in the "waiting" stage for ten years. Her answer was "not yet" for so long. I recently found out she is pregnant with twins! I am beyond ecstatic for her. I don't know what God has in store for each person, but I know He loves us all and has a beautiful plan. So my hope for everyone, no matter where you are in life, is to look for the good. It is there, I promise! As I look back to my dark times, I get embarrassed that I wasn't more positive and hopeful. It is SO easy to focus on everything that isn't going the way we want it to. Life is as good as we make it, no matter what season of life we are in. Why wait for happiness, when you can create it right now? Thank you so much for reading "my story" and I hope in some way you felt touched or inspired!
Back in 2010 I married my best friend. I absolutely felt like no one else in the world knew what true love was because I was just so in love. Nothing bothered me at all. I was invincible and life was wonderful. That was, until I had a miscarriage a few months after getting married. Life stopped abruptly and all of a sudden it didn't make any sense. My husband and I had a "feeling" that there was a baby waiting for us, but then life said otherwise. I was in pain and for the first time my husband and I didn't see eye to eye. Looking back we can both laugh, but at the time, his advice was for me to suck it up, go to the gym, and move on. I had never been so insulted in all my life. Well, we somehow moved on, but yet again, I had another miscarriage. And then another. Three miscarriages in a short time period really threw my body out of whack. Emotionally I was a wreck. It got to the point where I didn't want to be alive. That scared me so I decided to get help. I found a counselor that had similar beliefs to me and was I given great advice. I sought medical help as well. Luckily I found an amazing doctor that was able to run tests on Solomon and I, to find the cause. Come to find out I have a genetic disorder. I was blessed to find an answer, since I know so many women go without any type of answers for their infertility or losses. I continued to have miscarriages and it was so discouraging. I felt very alone and bitter.
During this whole time I was having dreams and visions of a blue eyed boy named Gideon. We always assumed I would give birth to him, but over time my dreams changed to us adopting him and we started looking into adoption. In May 2012, on the way home from work as I was crying from my 6th miscarriage, I heard a radio commercial about AdoptUSKids.org, a site full of information on adoption, along with a photolisting of children waiting for families. I said out loud, "Heavenly Father, if there is a two year old boy with blue eyes named Gideon on that site, we will adopt him." So when I got home a few minutes later, I hesitantly pulled up the site and scrolled through the boys age 2. My jaw dropped and I felt completely numb as I scrolled to a boy that matched my dreams exactly. I took a deep breath and tried to take in everything. At the time we were in Hawai'i and he was in Texas. I wasn't quite sure how that was going to work out. My husband got home from work around midnight that night and when he crawled into bed I whispered, "I found Gideon. He is in Texas though, I don't know how this is all going to work out." Solomon chuckled and said he had actually just received an email that we were probably getting transferred to Texas. LONG story short, we did in fact end up getting transferred to Texas in December and then Gideon was placed with us in March. We were only in Texas for about 7 months and then moved to Illinois for my husband to go to dental school. Because we moved so much during the adoption process, we had to become licensed in each state which requires a lot of paper work, home studies, background checks, classes, etc. It was so exhausting at times. But finally in July of 2014 we finalized his adoption!
Shortly after moving to Illinois I found out I was pregnant and the whole pregnancy I was terrified that I would lose the baby at any second. I didn't take one minute for granted. I hated that I was pregnant while many friends were still left childless, so I didn't talk about my pregnancy much and constantly felt guilty about my growing belly. But every day I woke up and thanked God for the miracle and just hoped that in the end I would be able to hold my baby. Not knowing what the future held for me with future pregnancies, I wanted to make this birth as beautiful and memorable as possible. I took Bradley Method classes and found a wonderful Doula. I also found an amazing chiropractor that uses the Webster Technique. Dameon's birth was perfect. I did it all natural and was so proud of myself. I bawled as they wheeled me out of the hospital with a baby in my arms. I always hoped for that moment but never knew if it would happen for me. It did, and it was beautiful. I hope every woman can experience that. I think I shed tears daily for a few weeks because I could not believe the miracle that had just taken place. Dameon has been such a perfect baby. I am in heaven when he is in my arms. He has always been in the 95th percentile for everything since he was born. He is a big boy that adores his big brother and wants to keep up.
In September 2014 we got a call to be an emergency placement for a 17 month boy who was being taken from his mother that day. We said yes and a few hours later we had another boy in our home. He was so sweet. I loved that he trusted me quickly and got along great with our boys. I never felt like he belonged to us, but I LOVED being a safe place for him temporarily. He was with us from a Thursday night to the next Tuesday. He was only with us for a few days, but he changed my life. The caseworker called me Monday to inform me the state got custody of him and that they found a more permanent home for him. That night I rocked and hugged him as I sobbed, wondering if he had ever been held that way, and hoping this wouldn't be the last time someone held him so lovingly. By this time he had already starting calling me "Mom" and it broke my heart to see him go. A sad thing about foster children is that sometimes they don't have much that belongs to them and when they are transferred all their stuff is thrown into a garbage bag. I refused to send him on to his next home like that, so I got a nice back pack and wrote his name in permanent marker on it and put his stuff inside. I carried him out to the case worker's car when she showed up and buckled him in. I walked away crying as I prayed the next home would love him as much as I did. I learned that I love being a foster mom and I also learned that we were not quite ready for 3 children. Much to my surprise, the next month I found out I was pregnant again. We weren't expecting another baby this quick, but it is obviously a HUGE blessing. With Gideon's needs due to FASD, RAD, SPD, and ADHD I was worried because I have been stressed with trying to help him, as well as take care of the needs of Dameon as he grows. Our current vehicle does not fit 3 carseats, so now a bigger car is a necessity. Lots has been on my mind, but the biggest thing on my mind is God's timing. Years ago I never thought I would be given more children than I thought I could handle. I cried and prayed for one, and here I am with almost three! I just had to be patient! I remind my 5 year old almost daily, "we need to wait just a little longer", "be patient", "not yet". And it is a good reminder that God loves each of us and has a plan. It isn't fun to hear "not yet", BUT I have come to see for myself that the waiting is worth it. I hope my cousin doesn't mind, but she was in the "waiting" stage for ten years. Her answer was "not yet" for so long. I recently found out she is pregnant with twins! I am beyond ecstatic for her. I don't know what God has in store for each person, but I know He loves us all and has a beautiful plan. So my hope for everyone, no matter where you are in life, is to look for the good. It is there, I promise! As I look back to my dark times, I get embarrassed that I wasn't more positive and hopeful. It is SO easy to focus on everything that isn't going the way we want it to. Life is as good as we make it, no matter what season of life we are in. Why wait for happiness, when you can create it right now? Thank you so much for reading "my story" and I hope in some way you felt touched or inspired!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)